I have heard this nasty rumor that not only has David Chapelle lost his mind but that he has converted to Islam. It’s all over folks.
Due to the conversion he has an insurmountable pile of guilt resulting from his comedy.
IDIOT!!
Say good-bye to your money, your fame and your hot little asian wife.
OK. SO Anna updated her blog so now I am totally going to rip her off and start my blog too.
I had a fabulous weekend and I think that everyone should know about it. As you guys well know I am not a camping earthy chick. I like resorts,five star hotels, room service, cabanas and even get irritated with sand. So how the hell I ended up camping in the desert this weekend is beyond me. I chalk it up to craving a new experience. Also I was itching for another good drive. (If I let this craving go too long my crazy ass’ll end up moving back to Chicago). SO I drove for three hours from SD to Yuma, AZ.Yes-by myself. I had others to drive with but I couldn’t get out of work early enough.
For those of you that have no idea about Yuma, it is a small town right on the Cali/AZ border. And its really HOT!! I mean like triple digits by 10am. HOT!! On my way I do the Chicago, SD thing and decide that I will roll my window down for fresh cool air. There isn’t any. It was like that scene from some stupid Arnold Schwartn-boob-n-grabber movie where they were on Mars and every time someone stepped outside they just disintegrated and died. Like that hot!! Gasping for air, suffocating from a lack of oxygen. Then at one point my AC just stopped working-it gave up-too friggin hot. Did I make my point?
Anyway so I make it into AZ around nine pm and the only thing that I can see are UFOs flying over head because the Martinez Lake Resort is in the middle of friggin NO WHERE. No lights, No people, no nothing. It is close to an Army base so that might explain the UFOs, who knows.
After ducking all the aliens I end up in a trailer park on the edge of the Colorado River. I was a little scared that a cute little black girl in her Lexus might be in a little trouble right now. They weren’t even nice trailers these were like 8 Mile trailers. Trailer trash would be embarrassed to live here. It was the resort area. This is where I just spent three hours driving to.I don’t think they understand what resort means. Resorts are rated in stars. For this place I would use cigarette butts.
I call my peeps and find our spot. We actually had a cabin and not a run down trailer with yellow tape around it. So we had the 5-cigarette butt cabin that sleeps four. One of my girls is apologizing and saying that its not as bad as it looks. OK. So I wait for it to get better. So, I end up sleeping in the back of Kent’s truck after drinking in the awesome little resort hick bar. $3 Cadillac margaritas. I’m in love. (and yes I had to walk the bartender through making my Rita BUT Betty made numbers 2,3, 4 and 5 PERFECTLY!!!). I woke up to rain. Yes, there was one sad little cloud that wanted to rain. And it did for two minutes. Just enough to wake me up, hurting, in the back of a pickup truck.
I wake up and realize that I have no idea what the plan is. I know that there is a beach somewhere so I put on my suit and head to the boats. We have two boats for about 20 people. So when my turn for the river ferry comes I am a little relieved. We actually had some nice boats to ride around in. We find a spot on a sand bar. Set up our covers/tent thingies, grills and coolers and commence drinking, eating and swimming for the next six hours. Took a nice boat trip down the river, swam in the river,went back drank some more. Packed up in Steve’s boat, head back and crashed his boat. (that sucked for Steve-no one was hurt-don’t drink and drive) WE finally get back to buttville and I head back to my friend Betty. Did I forget to mention that she was missing teeth? Ooops. Please excuse.
There was a great cover band. They were really good. I had mentioned to everyone earlier that I will pay people if they don’t play "Sweet Home Alabama". Not a dollar came out of my pocket. Can we talk? What is it with cover bands and this song? Is there like a universal set list for cover bands? Stupid question. Anyway, another few ritas and I was singing and dancing with the rest of ‘em.
I managed to get out of there at 6am so that I wouldn’t have to fry myself on the drive home. For you flat landers…you have to turn your AC off when you begin your mountain ascent to Elevation of 4000 ft. Great drive. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see my beloved marine layer on the horizon. I am a beach girl and also now a fan of buttville aka Martinez Lake but its sooooooo not a resort. Over all I give the spot a 4 cigarette butt rating and one empty beer can (for great ritas). I would do it again only with AC and the same people. 
